Three Steps to a Better Marriage
Bonnie and I have been blessed with 35 years of successful marriage. We have had our share of struggles as we have tried to build our lives together, but we both agree, our lives and marriage are better today than they ever have been, and we look to the future with excitement and hope.
I have been asked to briefly give a couple of keys to what we have found to be a way to do marriage that works. There are so many things that God has used and is using that it is hard to pick just a few. For me, not to try to over-spiritualize, but it starts with understanding, and accepting God’s role for me in our relationship. The basic concept that I am to love Bonnie as Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself up for it is where it all started. I had failed in marriage twice before coming to Christ. I know how to fail at marriage, and I’ve learned, I should say I’m learning, how to succeed. There are three things that we have done that have really helped us and that I would encourage others to do in some form without question.
FIRST, from the get-go we committed on our knees together that we wanted, and would strive for, God’s best in our marriage – no matter what! We knelt before Jesus and promised that divorce would never be an option. But, more than that, we said that we wanted the marriage that God wanted us to have. Not to just stay together, but to know the joy and “oneness” that He wanted for us. We didn’t know at the time that there would be a thousand challenges that would test our commitment, and there have been, but so very often, when it has hit the fan, we are reminded, and remind each other, of our promise to Jesus and our commitment to His goals for us as husband and wife. Somehow that always breaks the problem down and reminds us that God is able to bring resolution and healing to whatever it is that we have let slip in.
SECOND, and following from the first, after about 12 years of marriage and two children, we realized that, while we were investing a tremendous amount of time and energy into their lives, we weren’t investing much at all in building our relationship. We had forgotten why we were attracted to each other in the first place and the romantic portion of our relationship had slipped drastically into “yesterday’s mashed potatoes.” After the realization and some thought and prayer, we decided to take one weekend a month and get away for at least one over-night. We found reliable sitters for the girls and committed to get away and do something “fun” every month. There isn’t space or time here to list all the benefits that this practice brought us. The planning and discussion around it brought out all kinds of issues and helped me see how I had neglected my responsibility as Bonnie’s husband to nurture the part of her that needed to feel feminine and wanted. We explored Bed and Breakfasts and “antiqued” together. (Guess whose idea that was?) I learned to enjoy Bonnie’s enjoyment, and yes, sometimes we played golf. After the girls left for college we had no “empty nest” problems, we enjoy being together. Since then we try to have a weekly “date” for the same reason. It takes time and some money, but it is more than worth it. I’m 71 years old today and I’m still romantically attracted to my wife and she to me. Romantic love doesn’t have to die but we can kill it by neglect. I don’t do as well as I would like to, and writing this will help me to press on, but even a little effort over time is a whole lot better than none.
FINALLY, and simply, the most important thing we do, is to have quiet time with the Lord each morning and to finish it by holding hands and praying aloud together for our family, friends, ministry, and each other. There are many other things we do, but none more powerful, meaningful or helpful. It’s really hard to have a hard heart toward someone you pray with every day. And somehow hearing my wife pray tells me more about what’s going on in our lives than tons of general conversation. We spend about an hour at it each day, the last 10 minutes or so, depending on what’s going on, in prayer. We also hold hands and close every day in a short prayer of thanksgiving before we go to sleep each night. We’re not really Bible students or prayer warriors by any means, but we do a little everyday. There is nothing that I know of that helps more, and, if all Christians would do just this one thing, the statistics concerning Christian divorce would change dramatically.
There you go – three simple things. I hope that someone who reads this might just give them a try and, if they do, that they will be as blessed as we have. God is more than good. He’s the source of all that’s good. And marriage was His idea in the first place. Committing to His best, nurturing our love in His, and talking about it all with Him all the time really helps!
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Buck Jacobs, Chairman and Founder of The C12 Group, LLC - Christian CEO and mentor. Buck has an extensive background in successful organizational development based on the principles found in scripture. The motto of the C12 group is "Building great companies for a greater purpose." 
Dad,
Thanks for your faithfulness to your marriage and Mom. Your marriage hasn’t been perfect, but it has been a wonderful example for us as we have grown. I hope you have many more years enjoying each other!
The advice you have given my wife and I is priceless. You are an inspiration. Great article!!!
Thanks for a Great Testimony Brother.
Glory to God!
I think this needs to be a required read for all marriages and apart of pre-marriage conseling. Thank you for sharing this from a real world perspective.
Thank you Clyde, we have been working at it for a long time! Last Tuesday was our 36th anniversary. Are you from Apollo Beach, FL? If so, you went to school with our daughters Sarah and Leah.